So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
