Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
