I think I am morally bankrupt
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
