last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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