If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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