i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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