just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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