Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
