new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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