I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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