i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
