they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
