can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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