Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
