how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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