Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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