I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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