There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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