ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
