Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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