I'm going to jail i love you
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
