I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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