So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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