she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
