just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
