Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
