Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
