I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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