he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
