btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize