WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
