You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
