my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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