just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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