He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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