the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
