The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Dear god my vagina.
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