How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
