i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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