god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
