I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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