if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
