remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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