i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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