tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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