Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
