im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
