i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
