i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
