is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
