Im at strip club and am horny
it wasn't lemon gatorade
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
