i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
