ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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