not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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