I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
