I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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