you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
