we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
