I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
