You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
