dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
