so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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