there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
