Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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