Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
